Jingle Bells, Umbrella Smells' and other crap!
by Sweetest Malificia
Summary: The festive carol has returned! How will Wesker cope with this year's poorly sung songs? A YM production
1. Part I

Disclaimer: You know I don't own Resi, blah blah. So don't sue me Capcom!

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Author here! Just a bit of Christmassy spirit, who cares if it's rubbish! Please R&R!

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On December 24th, 2004, there was a knock on the door. 'Oh crap' thought Wesker. 'Who dares disturb my plans of evilness?'

He opens the door and there was, like, all the (important) Resident Evil characters (the street was kinda cramped! ) 'CRUDDY----CAROL-----SINGERS----'

'After three!' yelled Chris Redfield, 'let's attack Wesker with our crappy singing!!!'

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_Jingle Bells_

_Umbrella Smells_

_HCF all the way!_

_Uncle Wesker_

_Lost his temper_

_'Cuz people think he's gay..._

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Claire and Steve do a solo---

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_Dashing through the snow,_

_In a rusty old banger Snowcat_

_Over the fields, we know,_

_'Ashford is a prat!'_

_We drove , but after not long_

_We fell inAlexia's trap_

_We wondered why it had gone wrong,_

_And we thoght the ending was crap!_

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_Jingle Bells_

_Umbrella Smells_

_HCF all the way!_

_Uncle Wesker_

_Lost his temper_

_'Cuz people think he's gay..._

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Chris's turn for a solo.......

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_A day or two ago,_

_I thought I'd take a ride_

_I was delighted to know_

_That Miss Valentine was by my side_

_Our friend Barry was lean and rank_

_Drinking seemed his lot_

_He fell off the river bank_

_And we, we cried snot_

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_Jingle Bells_

_Umbrella Smells_

_HCF all the way!_

_Uncle Wesker_

_Lost his temper_

_'Cuz people think he's gay..._

_

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_

Please review, if I get any good ones I'll write a new verse.


	2. Part II

Ooo!! Thanks for the reviews, queen zombie and FlightoftheWild! Heres another verse!

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_Jingle Bells_

_Umbrella Smells_

_HCF all the way!_

_Uncle Wesker_

_Lost his temper_

_'Cuz people think he's gay..._

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**Alfred's verse....

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**

_There's something I once did_

_This story I must tell_

_I got kicked by some kid_

_And on my ass I fell._

_I ran from there quick_

_When I saw my face_

_What to do?. I had to pick_

_To blow up the whole place!_

_Jingle Bells_

_Umbrella Smells_

_HCF all the way!_

_Uncle Wesker_

_Lost his temper_

_'Cuz people think he's gay..._

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Please Review and I'll write another verse! 


	3. Part III

Ooo! I love writing this! Keep the reviews coming!

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_Jingle Bells_

_Umbrella Smells_

_HCF all the way!_

_Uncle Wesker_

_Lost his temper_

_'Cuz people think he's gay...

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_

**Rebecca's Verse...

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**

_(in a REALLY loud voice > ;;)_

_DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF GREEN HERBS_

_FA LA LA LA LA ,LA LA LA LA!_

_'TIS THE SEASON TO BE HEALTHY!_

_FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA!_

_

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_Wesker: Oo;;;

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_Jingle Bells_

_Umbrella Smells_

_HCF all the way!_

_Uncle Wesker_

_Lost his temper_

_'Cuz people think he's gay..

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_

**Ada's Verse....

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**

_One day long ago_

_I was chased by Mr X,_

_Like something outta freak show,_

_It didn't have a sex!_

_I shot it in it's head_

_Then it looked well pissed,_

_We thought that it was dead,_

_So me and Leon kissed!_

_

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Jingle Bells_

_Umbrella Smells_

_HCF all the way!_

_Uncle Wesker_

_Lost his temper_

_'Cuz people think he's gay...

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Eeee! Keep reviewing! (Any suggstions for the next character to sing will be gratefully recieved!) 


	4. Part IV

Believe it or not, I've never played RE 1 or 0. But hopefully I'll be getting them for Christmas, so then I'll have more characters to put in. And I'm running low on Ideas for this song, so I might use some other songs as well (because I'm a lazy girl!)

Disclaimer----I don't own Resident Evil and I don't own Band Aid---Or should it be called Nemmy Aid? ;)

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Capcom's Verse (!)

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We wish you an un-happy Christmas

We wish you an un-happy Christmas

We wish you an un-happy Christmas

And a violence-filled new year!

Great games we will bring

To thrown in your bin

We wish you an un-happy Christmas

And a violence-filled new year!

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(I know that had nothing to do with Resident Evil so don't flame me!)

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_Jingle Bells_

_Umbrella Smells_

_HCF all the way!_

_Uncle Wesker_

_Lost his temper_

_'Cuz people think he's gay..._

_

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_Jill's Verse:_

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_

_Let-Nemmy-Starrrrrrve!_

_Does he know it's Christmas time?_

_Don't-give'im-Starrrrrrrssss!_

_Or there won't be a Christmas time!!!_

_Jingle Bells_

_Umbrella Smells_

_HCF all the way!_

_Uncle Wesker_

_Lost his temper_

_'Cuz people think he's gay...

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I'll try and update on Dec 25-26! Merry Christmas my beloved readers!


	5. Part V

Hiya! Seeing as I can't wait till next X-mas to update, savour the result of my insane mind at work- the Easter Special! A twisted song, and the exchange of Easter eggs. A jolly good read! (Not). Please review! Oh yeah- put the kiddies to bed, this fic shows the use of the 'F' word. Unless you are a kid, for which I don't give a… well, you now what I mean. Also, share your chocolate folks! Munches sweets in the corner

The music belongs to Green Day- because I love their lyrics! Characters belong to Capcom! Not me! I only own the idea. Do not sue- please! I have no money! Oh yeah, any cameo characters aren't mine either. Sue and be damned! Grrrr!

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Capcom think that the characters have done so well in the games, they hand out little choco eggs to them. They also hire a band to play music, to stick with the story's theme. Chaos soon ensues.

'_Don't want to be a Resident Idiot,'_

Barry holds up a shiny strawberry-chocolate egg. 'I just hope it's not Chris's egg…'

'Don't want a nation under the new mania' 

Nemmy walks around dimly, calling out, 'EGGS. S.T.A.R.S. EGGS.' But Jill, as a new year's resolution, let Nemmy starve. (See last chapter)

'Can you hear the howls of hysteria?' 

Wesker knocks on Alexia's front door. 'You have my egg. I want it. NOW!' he yells like the maniac he is. Alexia holds out the egg. 'You want it? You are not worthy of it's power!' In her rage, her hand sets alight, melting the egg. Wesker brakes down in tears.

'The subliminal mind fuck Umbrella' 

Alfred decides to make his egg look pretty. He finds a golden wig, lipstick, mascara, blusher, and other freaky Ashford make-up in his bedroom. He has a happy time decorating it, and the result is…well…bloody freaky, actually.

'_Welcome to a new kind of tension,_

_All across the alienation,_

_Where people's minds aren't at all ok…'_

Solid Snake hides outside Leon's house, gazing through the window. 'Your mission objective is to gather evidence of a new Metal Gear, and to also confirm the rumour that Capcom are giving away free Easter eggs to their personnel.' says Otacon over the Codec. Snake lights a cigarette and stares at Leon throwing his egg around, playing 'Cops and Robbers' with it. 'Don't worry, it'll be a synch.' he laughs.

Leon shoots the egg, causing it to blow into tiny little pieces. One of these pieces hit Snake, knocking him out.

'Snake? SNAKE? Snnnnaaaaakkkkeeee!'

_'Television dreams of tomorrow,_

_We're not the ones that meant to follow _

_(Or you'll have your brains chewed up)_

_For that's enough to argue…_

Steve has managed to steal loads of eggs from the less important characters and from the cast of 'Outbreak.' Claire looks really pissed off. 'Hey, I need those. Give them to meeee…' she purrs.

'No way! I found it, and I'm keeping it!' he replies, showing off his terrible grammar.

'Dammit! Why do the men always win?' Claire stares up at the sky. 'God help me…'

'Maybe I am the Easter Bunny of America' 

Billy's phone starts ringing. The voice on the other side says, 'You will die in seven dayyyysssss…''. Billy gets a confused look, then returns to the chocolate lockpick he's making. He never did like eggs.

'Another part of a made-up agenda' 

Kenneth is stumbling around the S.T.A.R.S office, but no one recognises him, seeing as he's in an Easter Bunny costume. Rebecca start's pointing behind him. 'Bunny! There's a zombie behind you!' she screams. 'Heh, I'm not falling for that one again- Ahhhh! My neck!'

'Now everybody do the propaganda!' 

Yuffie the ninja prances around Raccoon City before being stopped by Chris. 'What are you doing, girl-from-other-game?'

'I'm here to get an egg! And steal your materia'

'You can't have my egg!'

'Oh yes I can!' screeches Yuffie, and pokes Chris with her magic Shuriken. 'Now give me your eggs! All of it! Including the Summon, Magic, and Support eggs!'

'And celebrate the holiday of Easter!' 

Capcom Leader Guy:I think our little guys are having fun. No more eggs are left, well, until Easter actually comes, anyway. Snake got off with a minor head injury, and Yuffie ran away with Chris..ohgod, we don't want Konomi and Squaresoft sueing us. Bad characters! I shall deduct your pay from the next Resi game!'

Everyone: Awwwww!

'_Don't want to be a Resident Idiot_

_One nation controlled by the media_

_Information age of hysteria,_

_Oh what the hell, have a great Easter!'

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Enjoy your chocolate, everyone!


	6. Part VI

A/N: The festive carol returns! And at the right time of year!

_Jingle Bells, Umbrella Smells – X-mas '05_

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Birkin's Verse

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All I want for Christmas

Is my G-Virus,

My G-Virus

See, my G-Virus!

Gee, if only I could have

My G-Virus,

Then I could wish you

'Happy mutating'!

It seems so long since I could say,

'OMFG, Wesker's turning gay!'

(Excuse me, but I'm on a massive sugar high here o.O)

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_Jingle Bells_

_Umbrella Smells_

_HCF all the way!_

_Uncle Wesker_

_Lost his temper_

_'Cuz people think he's gay...

* * *

_

Leon's Verse

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Deck the halls with guts of zombies!

Fa la la la la, la la la la!

T'is the season to screw Ashley!

Fa la la la la, la la la la!

Don me now my gay apparel,

Fa la la, fa la la, fa la la!

Stroll the ancient Spanish channel,

Fa la la la la, la la la la,

Watch me as I shoot a barrel!

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

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_(Leon gets bored of singing carols…)

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_

I said I'm sorry Ada,

I never meant to hurt you,

I never meant to make you cry,

But tonight, I'm makin' out with Ashley.

One more time,

I said I'm sorry Ada,

I never meant to hurt you,

I never meant to make you cry,

But tonight, I'm makin' out with Ashley.

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_Jingle Bells_

_Umbrella Smells_

_HCF all the way!_

_Uncle Wesker_

_Lost his temper_

_'Cuz people think he's gay...

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_

A/N: Thanks to the many sites I used for the lyrics, and thankies to my reviewers D Leon's second song is the chorus to 'Cleanin' out my Closet', which belongs to Eminem, king of all rap artists :)

_**To be continued…**_


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